October 9, 1999 - Lennie and me - just before we left for the Shakespeare dinner in Buffalo.
I love to work; I am proud of the work that I do. I have always
thought that people liked me because of how I did my job, but that if I
should drop dead, no one would truly care; the echoes from the nearly empty church
would be deafening. I had a terrible self-image and what I
discovered was that while I was willing to give of myself, I was
unable to accept anything from anyone else. I guess I felt I
didn't deserve it. Cancer has shown me that I have a great
capacity to love and that people genuinely care about me. I can
accept their love; it's OK; I am entitled to it.
While I wouldn't have chosen the cancer path, I am not sad or angry that it came into my life. I am a survivor! My life is richer because if it. Best of all, I have an easier time living with myself because I have lived with cancer.
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